i don't like sucking hair
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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