Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
