Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
