i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
