she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
