how can u be prego again
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
