Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
