How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
