I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
