You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
