so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
