So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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