so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
