I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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