I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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