he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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