turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
