chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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