Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
