Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
