do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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