I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
