Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
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so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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