im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
