I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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