My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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