wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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