I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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