So drunk its hurt
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
