I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
