3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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