Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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