I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
