I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
