I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
