did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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