im six kinds of drunk right now
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize