9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
