speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
