No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
