Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
ttyl tear gas
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
