the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
