There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
