I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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