I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
