Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
