Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have aggressive nipples.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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