It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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