the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
