He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
