awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
