giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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