I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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