you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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