how can u be prego again
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
