i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
