If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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