I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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