She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
