If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
