I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Houston, we have a squirter
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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