Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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