Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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