his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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