There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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