I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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