How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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