Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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