as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
