i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
